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We are taught from childhood that helping others is the right thing to do. At the same time, there is a saying about a well-fed person, a fishing rod and a fish. The validity of folk wisdom is also confirmed by professional psychologists: in their field it is considered bad form to give specific advice to clients.
The editors decided to figure out why solving other people's problems is more expensive for themselves.
1. You don't see the whole picture.
Sometimes the best solution is to move away from the problem, looking at the situation from the outside. Therefore, many people turn to friends and relatives for advice. However, at the same time, the interlocutor, consciously or not, may hide some details of the situation. Without knowing all the details, you can suggest the wrong solution.
2. There are no universal solutions
Each person is a unique individual. There is no perfect solution that fits all. Otherwise, our world would turn into one of those dystopias, where all the characters follow the line, live according to the schedule and are just cogs in the system. Life is beautiful in its diversity, and what suits you may not be acceptable to another person.
3. When you focus on someone else's life, you lose sight of your own.
We all periodically like to talk heart to heart with friends and girlfriends, or even cry in a vest. But becoming a “professional problem solver of others”, you run the risk of remaining a shoemaker without boots. If you find yourself devoting more and more time to the other person's life, ask yourself what happened to your own.
4. You will remain extreme anyway
Have you advised a pathologically in love girlfriend to break up with a guy? She will make a choice in his favor, holding a grudge against you. And if he nevertheless breaks off relations, he will blame you for his suffering. Rarely getting rid of the problem is easy and painless, and usually in such cases do not seek help from outsiders. If a loved one is in a difficult situation, it is worth morally supporting him, but not offering a solution. Otherwise, you risk falling under a wave of negativity if the advice disappoints.
5. Help can hurt
Whatever problem happens in life, everyone already knows its solution. This is the approach followed by most psychological schools. And the desire to shift responsibility onto the shoulders of another is just a sign of immaturity. Therefore, solving the problems of another person, you are unlikely to help him in fact.
6. You will face ingratitude
This is how a person works, that over time he begins to devalue any help. Your reliability is unlikely to be appreciated and will soon be taken for granted. Moreover, you will face strong resentment if one day you do not come running at the first call.
7. Responsibility for someone else's life is an unbearable burden.
Caring for others is great. However, by directing the actions of others, over time, you will begin to consider yourself the arbiter of destinies. Considering yourself smarter than the rest is not the best tactic when building adult relationships. Each of us is unique, and changing people in our own image and likeness is at least unethical.
8. Your help is not needed
It's one thing to ask for help. The other is unsolicited advice. Remember how much you yourself love caring people who climb into someone else's life. Do you really want to join their ranks?
As a rule, people themselves create difficult situations in their lives and therefore are able to solve them on their own. Moreover, the unwillingness to take responsibility for one's own life and the search for an assistant are alarming symptoms of an infantile personality. Have there been situations in your life when you solved other people's problems and regretted it?